I Choose To Love With All My Intelligence.

I choose to love this time for once / with all my intelligence. "Splittings"-Adrienne Rich

The last two years have taught me about what it means to truly live a heart based lifestyle. And by that I don't mean a lifestyle in which I let my emotions rule my attitude and choices. (Eh although sometimes they still do...)

I mean a life in which my heart is constantly searching and seeking to connect with Jesus at all times. To receive true Love. To let Love heal all my wounds and trauma, instead of projecting it onto people.

A life in which I am daily striving to bring all my broken pieces, tears and fears to Him and say, "Here. I trust you. Show me how to put it together again, the way You originally intended."

For so many years, I didn't choose to love with intelligence but instead with fear, shame and grief attached to it.

I had so many judgements and expectations on people that I realize now was ME-just not wanting to deal with ME.

A sweet girl asked me a few days ago:

"What's an experience you've had that you think every person would benefit from?"

Without even thinking, I said: "Pain. To truly learn how to lean into their pain. To not be afraid of it. My pain-whether physical, emotional or spiritual-was the exact thing that brought me to my knees. It showed me I wasn't loving intelligently because fear, shame, and pain were in the driver seat. I see now that there is SUCH a more freer, humbler and joyful way to live but it required me stepping into the pain WITH Jesus. And it has changed my life, forever. After 5 LONG years of chronic pain (and counting) I can finally see it as a gift. Because it brought me back to Jesus-The One who died for my pain, so I would never have to walk through it alone.

We can choose to love with intelligence. 

We don't have to love with shame, fear or pain attached to it. I truly believe the reason Jesus said we first must love God and then others as we love ourselves is because we cannot fully and deeply love someone else until we learn how to love ourselves.

Let's be people who do the hard work. Let's be a generation that is known by their LOVE. One that isn't afraid of their own hearts or pain. Because Jesus.

PS: If you do not know where to start, I would highly recommend starting with Christa Black's Heart Made Whole Book or Podcast. If you know me at all, you know these things have changed my entire life and I wouldn't be where I am today without them. They taught me Jesus never intended my life to be full of pain and He is actually the only one who can truly heal my heart. Take a chance, my friends. I promise you won't regret it.